"It...

...doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations.  If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and it is illuminated.  Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on."
-Sharon Salzberg


DA #4:  Discovering True Happiness

I don't think anyone really reads this, but I'm apologizing anyway for what's about to come...a lovey-dovey-mushy-gushy-makemewanttovomit entry all about how I'm crazy in love.  Not my usual thing, but here goes.

Jon and I have been together for just over 10 months.  To some people, that's nothing.  For me, that's about 12 eternities.  I was in a dark place for a long time.  It was full of commitment issues, trust issues, and just about everything short of daddy issues.  This girl comes with a lot of baggage.  Jon showed up at a time when I had decided that I didn't want to deal with boys in any form of the word.  I needed time to myself.  After living in "someone else's" skin for almost 2 years, it was time to re-figure out who I was.  Naturally, that's not how life goes.  We started dating and it took me 3 month to feel comfortable in the relationship.

And now?  I couldn't picture my life without him.  There's that quote that floats around every once in awhile talking about how you don't need a guy to be happy.  If you're unhappy single, a significant other won't be able to make you happy.  Happiness comes from within, not from others.  I agreed with that until I realized why Jon is so special to me.  He helped me find myself.  I can't tell you the last time I've felt this happy, levelheaded, confident, and comfortable in just about every sense of the word.  Is it directly because of him? Kind of.  It's who I am because of him.

If we were to break up tomorrow, I would be beyond heartbroken, but I'd walk away a better person than I was walking in.  And because of that, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.


The sunshine feels good on my face.